


Cats and Dogs

by dauwtrappen



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Compliant, Crack, Dogs, Dramatic Uchiha, Gen, Hana does no wrong, Hana is cute, Itachi needs to chill, Kakashi is hm, Pre-Naruto Canon Era, Shisui is precious, dog vs cat, itachi CHILL
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 11:01:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,789
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14447904
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dauwtrappen/pseuds/dauwtrappen
Summary: He doesn't mind dogs.However, what he does mind is Hana of the Inuzuka and her adorable puppies.





	Cats and Dogs

**Author's Note:**

> I ran out of fics to read so I wrote this... enjoy?

He doesn’t mind dogs.

 

In fact, he finds it amusing, almost endearing when the first thing he sees outside the compound is tiny puppies chasing after their own tails and yipping at their owners as they stumble into each other. More often than not they’ll flail for a short moment before they crash into him and demand affection through belly rubs and scratches behind their ears, and he obliges easily because the tiny pink tongues that stick out make them adorkable and Itachi is _weak_ , he has yet to learn how to kill the urge to pet cute, dumb things. (He doubts he ever will, Sasuke is still cute as a button, still too dumb realize that his hair is not some chew toy.)

However, what he does mind is Hana of the Inuzuka and her adorable puppies whining goodbyes in her arms as everyone else is rushing to get to their morning classes. They are the epitome of cute, at the moment even cuter than Sasuke as they stare into her eyes and beg her to stay and play with them, but _she_ is not. She, is a horror, a menace from the depths of hell, _Inuzuka Hana the demon spawn._ He has all rights to call her such and even if he never says it out loud he has a stare reserved just for _Inuzuka Hana the demon spawn_ that perfectly _betrays_ his disdain for her. (Although the look has been scarcely used as of late, having been caught by his mother a couple of times too many. He received more than her looks, she is bound to figure something out.)

To be honest, it all began because of Hana calling him the prettiest girl she had ever seen and he, having never heard of that insult before in his six-year-old _life_ , had told her she smelled like a wet dog. She had given him an intense look and being an Uchiha he could just _not_ back down so he had held her gaze as he saw her from the corners of his eyes reaching for his homework papers and tearing them up like confetti. Without skipping a beat, he had retaliated by setting her paperwork and her hair on fire. It had been beautiful, a bit burnt and he had seen some of his teachers exchanging money and muttering something incomprehensible as they put out the tiny fire, but it had been the start of a life-long rivalry and he would _win._ No matter what.

His cousins who are attending the same classes with him and _Inuzuka Hana the demon spawn,_ are weirded out by this feud, but they are too caught up with their own training to even comment on it and as long as “this squabble doesn’t escalate to a homicide” they are fine with it. _Fools_ , Itachi thinks as he knocks off another pencil to the floor, eyes lit with mirth as Hana tries to reign in a growl during the explanation of a shuriken trajectory and the importance of keeping one’s fingers out of harm’s way. Homicide is not even a minor offense in their war, he has all kinds of plans of tearing her down. (He does _not_ squawk when lunchtime arrives and Hana upends her black tea all over him. But he does repay her with a thin smile and tries to stab her in the eye with his chopsticks.)

He doesn’t know _why_ he is so infuriated by her, why he feels like he is swallowing a thousand needles whenever she’s making her puppy eyes to their teachers to avoid detention and extra classes because she is _dumb as a brick_ , why he loses the Uchiha Calm so easily because of _Inuzuka Hana the demon spawn._ He just knows that Shisui is a fool for thinking their hatred for each other is puppy love, knows that if he doesn’t retaliate after having his homework covered in mud he will _lose_ and that is _unacceptable_ , so he pushes her into a pond and stuffs rotten fish inside her bag, and knows Hana will rue the day she crossed him if it’s the last thing he does. (He suspects Shisui is keeping a tally on them, but Itachi doesn’t care, he knows he is winning.)

So when Itachi graduates from the academy with top marks and a slight warning to _not_ sabotage his future teammates, he gets struck by a sense of melancholy. He knows he is currently the pride of the Uchiha clan, that him graduating within a year is no easy feat and only made by geniuses such as himself, Shisui and Hatake Kakashi (although Shisui is a debatable thing, with the way he acts(?) like a fool all the time), so why is he overcome with this bitterness? He has no reason to brood like his father, not yet.

He tries to come up with a reasonable explanation and is about to look up for an answer in the Academy library when he is suddenly sucker punched in the stomach and drops like a dead weight to the ground, barely catching a wolfish grin before he sees red. But before he can shred _Inuzuka Hana that mutt_ to pieces she reaches out a hand for him and pulls him up to his feet roughly, patting on his back jovially. He is beyond confused at this point.

“Congratulations on graduating, Itachi-kun!” She says sweetly, bringing up a hand to tap on his headband and to tousle his hair. He nods mutely, still confused, as he slaps her hand away absentmindedly.

“Thank you…?” Her grin gets wider, fangs on full display. He is pretty sure that Hana has fallen on her head far too many times, he now slightly regrets pushing her off the roof after scratching her face the other day.

“Don’t be stiff!” She declares with a huff, hands on her hips. “You might be a genin now but that doesn’t mean you can shirk off friend duties like that!”

“…What.” Hana rolls her eyes, but her smile is genuine and _oh_. Hm. He guesses it… _has_ been fun this year, thinking of various strategies to take down _Inuzuka Hana the demon spawn_ except, she’s not really a demon spawn anymore but a friend? He’s not sure that friends should be trying to kill each other every single moment they share but his best friend is Shisui and the first thing his cousin did was to smile brightly and throw kunai at him. Understanding dawns upon him. _Inuzuka Hana is a friend._

“Well, you’re gonna be busy now when you’re a ninja”, she says sullenly before she looks at him with hopeful eyes. “But I hope you’ll visit often? Until I’m a ninja too? And then we can spar?” Itachi blinks and feels the corners of his mouth tug upwards and says: “I look forward to it, Hana-chan.”

He has a friend, a friend from the academy, and maybe that’s why he is so sad. He’s going to miss messing with her, to just be normal and be able to have fun like a child. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted, he thinks and then sees the _way too smug_ look on her face and _oh no that can’t be good_.

“Y’know, since you’re a genin and I’m _still_ an academy student”, she begins and Itachi fears what is to come out of her mouth, “That means I win, right? You can’t pick a fight with me until I graduate. That would just be uncool! Anyway, see ya!” He stares at her retreating form and his blood boils as he knows what that implies. Inuzuka Hana is a fiend and far too smart to be still attending the academy, he _really_ shouldn’t have messed with her assignments, Itachi _knows_ it’s his fault she has the upper hand now, that he can’t beat her senseless like before. He hisses like a feral cat and runs after her, a bark of laughter coming from her as she speeds up.

 

He doesn’t mind dogs. Much.  

 

* * *

**Bonus I**

Bless his cousin, but Shisui is dumb. More often than not he will shunshin behind him and it is only through vigorous training and his will of fire that he does not flinch, only looking peeved out as the older boy ruffles his hair with a knowing grin. Itachi thinks Shisui the pest is also blind (and deaf) because more often than not he will be roped in to a D-rank to retrieve Tora the cat only to be chased after some loose dogs.

He has tried to confront Shisui about this, has left hints that he should go see an eye doctor, has propelled enough chakra to kill into one of his kicks at Shisui to startle him out of any possible genjutsus, but. _But_ the older boy just looks genuinely confused and just picks up a puppy from the ground and says: “Itachi-kun, just because Fugaku-ojisan won’t allow any pets in your house doesn’t mean you can’t pet the kitty.”

“But-”

“Go on”, Shisui says brightly, a beatific smile adorning his face as he beckons with the puppy’s paw towards Itachi. “I won’t tell that the great Uchiha Itachi-sama, genius and what not, is doing mundane things such as petting a cat. Right little one?” The puppy licks Shisui in the face and Itachi lets out a huff before he resigns himself to give the dog some pats on the head.

(Shisui the dumb and the pest is blind as a bat, but he is sadly also his best friend despite not being able to see the difference between a dog and a cat.)

 

* * *

**Bonus II**

 

He is more than certain that the ANBU captain is a dick and his opinions are rarely wrong (only slightly skewed because of one Inuzuka Hana.) The fact that the first thing his captain does is to chase after him like a mad dog to get a feeling for his abilities instead of just asking for a brief summary of his skills like a civil person, just cements Itachi’s thoughts of him. His opinion on Hatake Kakashi rings truth when the pug appears after a cloud of smoke, ready to smack talk his owner for being negligent and awful to his summons. It’s almost a field day for Itachi, with the way his captain scowl like an impudent child, but it becomes downright disastrous when the captain finds his teammates too still, too amused by the display (Uchiha Shisui is a dead man for putting Itachi in this sorry situation) so without further ado, they get chased by eight dog summons.

(Hatake Kakashi is a dick, but his summons almost makes up for it.)

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is, I just know it's crack
> 
> I had to add Shisui because he is precious and kakashi is my favorite? Hm yes. I don't even like itachi that much but this was funny so I guess it makes up for it? Who knows. I hope you enjoyed this! Feel free to add your thoughts about it! This was inspired by [anoceaninthesun](https://anoceaninthesun.tumblr.com/post/173237680062/cats-and-dogs-the-uchiha-and-the-inuzuka-clans) and could not have been done without them! Thank you for the inspiration!
> 
> I have a [tumblr](https://chenjinnart.tumblr.com) too! Come and scream at me! :D


End file.
